Breaking the Glass after October 7

     I have the privilege and joy to stand with couples under the khuppah/wedding canopy as they make official their choice to spend their future together. I retired from my synagogue pulpit in 2021 but I continue to officiate at weddings because this work allows me to be surrounded by love, joy and positive vibes!  I get to look at couples' glowing faces as they gaze into each other’s eyes affirming their commitment and their love. And at the culmination of the ceremony, a glass is stepped on, smashed into a million pieces before “Mazel Tov” is shouted and they finally get to kiss each other!       
     Breaking the glass is the ritual most associated with a Jewish wedding. There are many explanations for this tradition including that we break a glass or a plate upon making an agreement; as a way to chase away evil spirits; and there is even a Moroccan tradition that we break a glass to enact the saying “a difficult beginning is a good sign,” meaning all beginnings are difficult.[1] 
     The most common explanation dates to the 14th century when Jewish couples would break a glass to remind everyone present that there have been times of extreme brokenness in our history and we do best not to forget such events even amidst our great joyful moments. 
     So how can we think about smashing the glass since October 7, the day Hamas terrorists waged the deadliest attack on Jews since the Holocaust. And the nightmare is ongoing as Hamas terrorists are still holding and murdering those in captivity. When we have the tragedy of October 7, 2023, we don’t need to go back to the destruction of the Temple in 586 BCE to recount brokenness and tragedy in our history.  
     Yet, our lives go on with celebrations for births, birthdays, new homes, graduations and weddings.    I continue to stand beneath the khuppah and bask in the love and joy of couples and families as they embark on the next chapter of their lives.  I’m thrilled to share their joy and post on social media the music and celebration. And at the same time, I have deep grief for the young people killed, traumatized or taken hostage that will never stand beneath a khuppah.  I cry for the parents and grandparents that won’t have the chance to bless their children and watch them start families.
It is an emotional dissonance that is hard to bear.  
     But Jewish tradition tells us to choose joy and to choose life.  We choose life despite tragedy because to do otherwise would be to surrender to despair. We continue to celebrate these lifecycle events despite our grief because we will never stop celebrating our heritage and our tradition.  And we will continue to break the glass so as not to forget our commitment to justice, freedom, and working to bring healing to our broken world.  
 


[1] Beyond Breaking the Glass: A Spiritual Guide to Your Jewish Wedding, Rabbi Nancy Wiener, 2012, CCAR Press.

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